I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 17th of August 1999. With reference to the meeting held between us on the 17th of August 1999 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on-the-relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Thanking you in anticipation.
MODERN REPLY OF MODERN LOVE APPLICATION
Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance. However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous. I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards. Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the ‘VIP’ I shall be entertaining. In addition, outing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a luxury condo and a Jag are in order.
Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself. If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest.
Please also note that my sister is happily employed.