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Funny One Liners & Quotes

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.

2.. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5.. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6.. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9.. I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are just missing.

10..Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12..God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13..The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14..Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15..Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16..Being “over the hill” is much better than being under it!

17..Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18..Procrastinate Now!

19..I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

20..A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21..A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22..Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26..Ham and eggs. A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

27..The trouble with life is there’s no background music.

28..The original point and click inter face was a Smith & Wesson.

29..I smile because I don’t know what the hell is going on.

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8 Comments/Shayaris on “Funny One Liners & Quotes”

  1. 1 Madhulika Misra Says:

    I love these jokes.

  2. 2 zaibAli Says:

    ye hami thay jinn k libass per sar e rah sayahi likhi gae
    !!teri manzil hai boland itni k shaam o sahar ………..chand sooraj se tere darr ko salaam aya hai
    !!!!na raha janoon e rog e wafa ………ye na samaj dar ka roog kaya……..yehi daag thay jo saja k hum…….sar e bazm yaar chale gae…!!!

  3. 3 vivek nathvani Says:

    i like funny sayari ,jokes,quotes etc.. B coz i dont know how to laugh.

  4. 4 love4each_other Says:

    Really …Amezing shayari I like It….

  5. 5 ali Says:

    kare jao
    kare jao
    kare jao
    beshaemo ki tarah msg receive
    kare jao khud na karna

  6. 6 kitty Says:

    please tum log God ka naam is funny shayari mein mat lao mein in logon per laanat bhejti hoon jo ye kaam kar rahe hain

  7. 7 Insiya, Marziya Says:

    log kahta the uske pas demag nahi
    doctor ko mila dimag

    par ghutno mai

  8. 8 sampuran singh Says:

    Khuda Hi Khuda
    Idhar khuda hai, udar khuda hai,
    Jidar dekho udar khuda hai,
    idhar-udhar bus khuda hi khuda hai
    jidhar nahi khuda hai….udhar kal khudega!

    Recent News Headlines : Softdrinks Contain Dangerous Pestcides.
    Insan to newspaper padh sakte hain par janwaro ka
    kya hoga kyonki…. Aaj kal CHEETAH BHI PEETA HAI !

    Pyaar Ise Kehte Hain
    Jawani ko zindage ki nikhaar kehte hain,
    pathjad ko chaman ka majdhaar kehte hain,
    Ajeeb chalan hain duniya ka yaaro,
    Ek Dhoka hain Jise hum sab “PYAAR” kehte hain !

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