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Funny One Liners & Quotes

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.

2.. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5.. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6.. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9.. I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are just missing.

10..Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

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Valentine Love Quotations

“To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can’t do this.”

“Oh! How I miss you so much
Your kiss
Your touch
All of you”

“You may conquer with the sword, But you are conquered by a kiss” ~Daniel Heinsius

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous~Ingrid Bergman

“If music be the food of love, play on”~Shakespeare

“It is never too late to fall in love”~Sandy Wilson

“Love is like an hour glass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties”~Jules Renord

“No man is worth your tears, and the one who is won’t make you cry.”

Love is not finding someone to live with, It’s finding someone you can’t live without. ~Rafael Ortiz

“Where there is great love , there are always miracles” ~Willa Cather

Love is like a butterfly. It goes where it pleases and it pleases where it goes.

Happiness is to love and to be loved.
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